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Joke of the Week A 65-year-old couple is driving to their 45th anniversary celebration. Poof. A genie appears on the dashboard and agrees to grant them each one wish. She wants romance and travel with her dear hubby—the guy she loves. Poof. First class tickets fill the back seat. She’s ecstatic. He says, “I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." Poof. He's 95. Rules
For Cat Ownership 1.
The cat is not allowed in the house. 2.
OK, the cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3.
Ok, the cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the
furniture. 4.
The cat can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to
sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the
pillow. 7. OK, The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by
invitation only. 8.
Well, ok, the cat can sleep under the covers every night 9.
And on the pillow too. 10.Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat
can sleep on the pillow. Give it up O'Toole was driving down the street in a
sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a
parking place. Looking up to With Phil and Ramona celebrating their 29th Anniversary, we've found a few pictures of couples who should have thought twice before hyphenating their names. He that finds a good wife, finds a good thing Time of the signs... On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything. Please knock on the door. The bell doesn't work." Spotted in a safari park: "Elephants stay in your car." In a London department store: "Bargain Basement upstairs."
In a Laundromat: "Automatic washing
machines. Remove all your clothes when the light goes out." Why is it that I have trouble finding stuff in the fridge, locating my remote, the cell phone, the car key but can push the snooze button from 6 feet away, in .7 seconds, eyes closed, every time. I was walking
past the asylum the other day and I heard the inmates
chanting, "13, 13, 13!" The fence
was too high to see over but I found a little gap in a plank and looked
through to see what was going on. That's when some idiot poked me in the
eye with a stick. I stood up holding my eye and walked away. I heard them
chanting, "14, 14, 14!" A traveler was found by a Customs official to be carrying a half-gallon bottle in from Mexico. The official asked the man what it contained. "Just holy water from a miracle shrine I visited." The inspector opened the bottle and sniffed the contents suspiciously. Then he took a swig and jumped. "This isn't holy water! It's tequila!" The traveler lifted his eyes to the sky and cried out, "Good heavens! It's another miracle!" Top Ten Things I'd Love to Hear My
Teenager Say... 1. Who needs to eat out? Let me make something. 2. Dad, I sure could use a little advice. 3. We won’t need the car—we’re walking. 4. There’s nothing to eat around here. I’ll go buy something. 5.
You relax, I’ll do the dishes. 6. New movies aren’t cool. Let’s watch something old. 7. Hey, I’ve been on the phone a lot. Why don’t I pay the phone bill this month? 8. Is my music bothering you? 9. This is my room, but it’s your house. 10. Well, lookie there! It’s ten p.m.! I better go to bed! - from Family SqueezeFunny Photos and more...
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